When parents talk about their adolescent children, it’s not uncommon for the conversation to include a sigh, an eye roll, or some other indicator that this chapter of parenthood is inherently stressful. I'm sure we've all heard these types of narratives since our kids were little: "Just wait till they're teenagers…" “It only gets harder..." Thanks to these common labels, we start bracing ourselves for years ahead of time for the “terrible" teenagers.

And while it is true that adolescents do face more challenges emotionally and physically, which can be difficult for parents to know how to support, I would like to point out that there are also a lot of amazing aspects about this stage in our kids’ lives.

Let's focus on the positive.

This is an exciting time for them! They’re exploring who they are, and who they want to become. They’re curious about discovering what excites them, and what doesn’t. They’re learning to balance more “grown up” emotions and actions while still holding onto their youthful playfulness.

It can be an exciting time for us as parents, too. What if instead of dreading the negatives, we let our preteen and teenage kids inspire us to reconnect with the youthful spirit of our own inner adolescence? What if we approach this phase with the same curiosity and excitement we had when we were their age?

As the mother of adolescent children myself, I’m also doing my best to tap into my own inner teen. Through that, I’m discovering newfound joys with my kids by trying to see life more through their eyes. I find that when I get playful, it opens up a pathway for us to discover more shared passions, embrace creativity, and remember to have fun together in the simpler things.

By way of example, my oldest daughter has always had a wide range of interests and passions, but two really stand out: Her love of singing, and her dedication to tennis. So, when the time came for her to audition for the school musical (an activity she loved participating in last year,) my husband and I were both shocked when she ultimately decided not to go for it.

When I pressed her on her choice, she said, “Mom, just because I like something doesn’t mean I have to say yes to it. I don’t want to rush from musical rehearsals to tennis practice every day, while also managing schoolwork. I think the hectic schedule would take all the fun out of it, and I don’t want that to happen. Plus, I know I won’t stop singing. That's for life!”

Her words hit me in a profound way. She was choosing her well-being over constant “doing.” And she knew her passions and true essences would stay with her, regardless of her immediate choices. Her insight prompted me to reflect on my own busy schedule, and my very real tendency to overcommit. Am I doing so much that I’m draining the joy out of my activities? What aspects of my life are inherently mine and don’t always need my full attention in the moment?

On the other hand, my almost 13-year old daughter has a magical way of seeing the world through her creativity. Recently, her love for the changing season and the rituals that come with it has been particularly inspiring. Even though we now live in Portugal, where the transition from summer to fall is less pronounced than it was in Washington State, she ensures we still celebrate this change creatively. Not only has she been very intentionally turning inward, starting new projects, writing, journaling, and cherishing every moment, but she also completely rearranged her room to match the mood. Her mantra at the moment is, “What can I create now that I can enjoy next spring? Oh, and where’s that cozy blanket?”

Her creative actions are a daily reminder to me that beauty and inspiration are always present if we choose to see them. They’re right there, in front of our eyes.

In his book **“Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain,”** Dr. Dan Siegel discusses the ESSENCE of adolescence.
He breaks down the main ingredients of preteens and teens as:

Emotional Spark
Social Engagement
Novelty Seeking
Creative Exploration

In other words, our kids’ main focuses right now are their passions, their dear connections, starting new things, and letting their creative expressions be shared from the inside out.

How wonderful is that? Aren’t these the things we all want to focus on? When did we as adults lose this way of being in our own lives?

So, what do you say? Are you ready to reignite your own inner adolescence through your parenting?