The Magic of Fathers.

Not to brag, but I got to do something super cool this past weekend. I got to host and facilitate a retreat specifically for dads and their daughters.

While every parent/child retreat I’ve put on has been amazing and unique in its own way, I have to admit that this one was something special. I couldn't quite put my finger on it at first, but as I’ve reflected on it, I know it’s because I got to witness a room full of DADS who showed up eager and excited to learn more about their daughters. Considering 95% of my workshops to date have been filled with moms, this attendance list definitely brought a different energy.

And these dads didn’t just show up. They SHOWED UP! They were fully present and openly participated. They even got up and danced! Needless to say, I’m going to hold onto the magic of the weekend for as long as I possibly can. 

The weekend started off strong with a meditation and yoga class led by the amazing Sofia Fernandes. While we were all warming up, Sofia talked about how up until very recently, a retreat like this wouldn't have happened. Most of us can even remember a time when it was expected that the father was strictly the breadwinner of the family. In a lot of cases, political and economic events made that the only option. In other instances, social and cultural norms told dads they weren’t expected to be connected to their kids in that way.

We took a few moments to acknowledge the opportunity we have to live in a time when fathers are becoming more and more present and emotionally available for their children. The daughters recognized and expressed gratitude for the fact that they got to sit uninterrupted in a room, side-by-side with their dads. 

The whole experience made me think of my own dad. Our relationship is so near and dear to my heart, and I’m so fortunate that he and I have always been close. It’s thanks to my connection with him that I've felt a sense of safety and security throughout my life. But not just that. I know he’s the reason I feel confident and strong today. 

Sitting on my yoga mat, I thought about the completely ordinary moments with my dad over the years. Falling asleep with my head on his belly, feeling the rhythm of his breath. Listening to his laughter and made-up bedtime stories. I remember all the times he watched my tennis matches. I knew then just like I know now that I have his unwavering support, no matter what happens. He used to sit down with me to talk about my dreams and the bright future ahead of me. We’d visualize it all together and believe in it with all of our hearts. 

This is the power of present fathers. I feel it every day in my own life, and I certainly felt it in that room full of dads and their daughters all sitting on yoga mats. 

Throughout the retreat, two things really stood out for me as well as for all the attendees:

1. How powerful it is to be fully present with each other.

This concept definitely showed itself during our dance workshop! Guided by our amazing choreographer and dance instructor Iris de Brito, everyone quickly learned that they had to get out of their heads and tap into their hearts for this event.  

And everyone got really into it! It was fun watching both dads and daughters alike let down their guards to focus on the dance steps together. We were all just living in the moment. It was magical (and hilarious!)

2. How important it is to carve out one-on-one time to build more genuine and authentic relationships.

This idea showed up during our different activities and conversations. We all know that every family has its own group dynamic, for better and for worse sometimes. And even when our family missions center around keeping a tight connection with each other, it can be way too easy to lump everyone into one category. Sometimes as parents, we forget to acknowledge each individual member of our family for who they are and what they need. 
This weekend, fathers got to show up for their daughters - without spouses, other siblings, or outside demands at play. This allowed everyone to connect at such a deeper level. It was easy to sense just how seen every daughter felt, knowing they had their dad's undivided attention.   
During these conversations, I was brought back again to memories with my own father. He and I had a series of misunderstandings recently that we just couldn't resolve. It wasn’t until we finally made some one-on-one time together without any outside influences, that we were able to see each other’s sides. When it was just us, it was easy to remember our strong connection and trust in each other.

Why had it taken us so long to have that one-on-one moment?

While I watched every attendee this past weekend eagerly commit to carving out regular one-on-one moments with each other, I found myself feeling inspired to do the same with my dad and my loved ones. And I know I wasn't alone. A lot of the fathers there expressed their desire to be more vigilant in connecting 1:1 with their loved ones. 

In short, it was a magical weekend. 

I hope this little recap inspires you the way it inspired me. I encourage you to carve out some one-on-one time with your loved ones this holiday season. I have no doubt that its these moments that build strong, resilient, kind, and conscious humans. What a gift to give your child this year!