What Makes You Proud?
This past month, I’ve asked multiple different children this question: “What makes your parents proud?”
As you’d probably imagine, a lot of the responses had to do with the kids’ achievements or milestones. “My parents are proud when I get straight A’s,” or “My mom is proud when I clean my room.”
But the answers that stood out for me the most were the ones that had no attachment to the child at all, or even parenting necessarily. It was beautiful to hear and see some kids light up as they described a moment when they’ve seen their parents experiencing true personal JOY. Here are just a few examples of what I mean:
“My dad is proud when he catches a fish.”
“My mom is proud when she experiences a breakthrough with something she’s working on for her business.
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“My dad is proud when he’s able to make a systemic change at the local hospital or in the community.”
I sat with these answers and reflected on them for some time. It’s crazy to think how much we as parents can fall into the trap of living vicariously through our children's experiences. When they succeed, it can feel so personal to us. Same thing when they fail. As if we’re actually the ones living their lives instead of them. This can send a really strong and negative message to our kids: Live the life we want you to live, instead of the one you want to live. Of course, this type of messaging will likely create a big disconnect within any parent/child relationship.
Aye aye aye!
How can we stop this trend?
What if we as parents instead focused our energy on what actually makes US happy?
When do we feel proud of OURSELVES?
What if we imagined “raising ourselves” by pursuing our own dreams and goals with the same intensity and encouragement we put into our kids’ accomplishments?
What an awesome example for your kids to not only see that passion and pride in you, but to be inspired by it as they pursue their own dreams and find their own joys.
And if that's not enough to motivate you, here are five more ways that “being proud of YOU first” can enhance your parent/child relationship:
1. You Get to Define Your Own Worth
We live in a world where we tend to look outward to define our worth. As parents, we sometimes even ask our kids to define it for us. What do they think of us? How are they making us look in front of our friends? What a sticky cycle that can become! Instead, work hard to look inward. Trust your own compass when you think about your self-worth. Not only will this take a TON of pressure off your parent/child relationship, but it will also help you feel more genuinely proud of YOU.
2. You Get to Unlock Your Own Potential
When we go inward to form a stronger connection with our own unique essences, we unlock our maximum creative potential. How cool is that? Not only does this help us find what truly lights us up, it also opens us up to encouraging and allowing our kids to do the same. By focusing on our own potential, we can better watch our children's full potential unfold naturally.
3. You Get to Fully Appreciate Yourself
There’s nothing more exciting than watching someone tap into their own essence. As you do this for yourself, you’ll notice how much appreciation and love you’ll start to feel for yourself. And added bonus: the people in your life - including your kids, will feel it too.
4. You Get to Be More Curious
When we as parents are able to separate our own desires from our children's desires, we’re better able to listen and attune to our kids. You’ll find yourself more interested in learning about their world through their eyes, instead of pushing your own assumptions and observations of a situation onto them. As you work on this, here are some questions you can start asking your child when they're talking about their day:
“How did that go for you?”
“What's the most important thing about this for you?”
“How much does that mean to you?”
By getting more curious about your child in this way, you’ll find them much more willing to share things with you.
5. You Get to Deepen Your Connections
When your child feels like his or her achievements and successes are genuinely their own instead of yours, it can dramatically change the parent/child dynamic. They’ll not only see you thriving in your own joys and essences, but you’ll also get to see them doing the same. And when this happens, it opens up a world full of appreciation, admiration, and love between you. It’s pure magic.